Truth is stranger than fiction.

Greetings,

Many times in history, humans have been astounded by facts that topple our world view. Things that change our concept of life, our doctrines and beliefs. Often, we naturally violently reject these truths for they threaten our mental security. From the persecutions that follow evolution theory, the fate of Galileo and Aristotle, the denial of the holocaust, to name a few. Even the great Einstein himself admitted to being foolish to have denied the facts when quantum physics presented to him what is now known as the uncertainty theory.

Often, what these facts do is challenge beyond doubt the conveniently comfortable assumptions we have made in our lives that nature can be categorized, and described by man. As such shame us with our arrogant ignorance.

Today elame abducted lun, zk and me to a Christmas church service at expo organized by her church, city harvest. Me? At a church service? Yes boredom has brought me to new heights once again.

The event was very impressive. Very. As expected, the story goes about the meaning of Christmas… the birth of Christ and its related histories. But the way they managed to bring out the story was outstanding! The stage acting was superb and they must have really spent a mammoth effort to get the atmosphere to be just right! A big hand to them! =D

Some things said during the service caught my mind and kept me thinking... In the story, a big hoo-hah was made for the virgin birth of Jesus Christ as so was said in the text of old. In the past this used to seem so much a biological impossibility to me as to be a fantasy to sanctify his birth.

However, recent news that scientists reported two cases where female Komodo dragons have produced offspring without male contact made me think again. Tests revealed their eggs had developed without being fertilised by sperm - a process called parthenogenesis. Previously, it would have been nonsensical to claim that Komodo dragons can reproduce this way. As nonsensical as it would be to claim humans could as well.

“Richard Gibson, an author on the paper and a curator at the Zoological Society of London, said: "Parthenogenesis has been described before in about 70 species of vertebrates, but it has always been regarded to be a very unusual, perhaps abnormal phenomenon." It has been shown in some snakes, fish, a monitor lizard and even a turkey, he said.”

But can such an abominable phenomenon occur in humans? It seems that this might actually be possible, given how nature always stuns us with its revelations. Would the story then, of the virgin Mary, actually be true??

Experiments have been made whereby rabbits (mammals) were induced to reproduce through parthenogenesis. No experiments of human parthenogenesis have been report so far...

Surely such an event occurring in this time and day would be shocking. Ok… so it is possible that due to some absurd biological glitch all animals can reproduce asexually. Fine, another one of our dear assumptions about nature slapped in the face. Surely there must be some things that we can be sure of about our humanity right? Surely a guy is a guy and a girl is girl right? Wrong!!

“In this day in age, most of us understand that gender identity can be pretty complicated from a social, cultural and psychological perspective. But the idea that gender can be complicated from a physical perspective -- that a female athlete can be deemed non-female for the purposes of competition -- seems a bit bizarre.

As it turns out, gender is as much a physical puzzle as it is a social one. There is no one test that can determine with scientific certainty whether someone is male or female. There is only a battery of tests that can evaluate the various aspects of physical gender distinction, and there are various opinions about which of those tests should count the most.

In a recent case of an athlete failing a gender test, in December 2006, 25-year-old Santhi Soundarajan was stripped of her silver medal for the 800-meter race in the Asian Games.”

Indeed as it turns out, even if you were born with XY chromosomes, making you genetically male, it does NOT necessary mean you will be male. If your Y chromosomes are defective, and not expressed, poof! you become a female. Even if the chromosomes were okie but downstream expression of the genes, the production of its subsequent proteins were distrupted, poof! you become a female too.

Our DNA serves as a guide which makes us what we are. What gives us our traits are our genes which are segments of our DNA. These genes need to be deciphered (transcripted), and read (translated) before they eventually become proteins. The product proteins themselves also need to undergo various foldings and alterations before they are useful.

So should any of these steps fail, the genes are not expressed. This is one way a XY person can become female, because the genes were not expressed.

So even if you have breasts, a womb and other feminine features, who knows, you might just be a defective male after all. =p

Speaking of bizarre. For those of you who have watch Animatrix, you would know of how the story of the movie blockbuster “The Matrix” came to be. How the artificial intelligence managed to enslave humans and so on. There was also the movie “AI”, where a robot was made so human, it felt. It can feel.

These fictitious movies seem other worldly, far-fetched, even if somewhat logical. Surely it would not happen in life, now would it? Apparently, some politicians think otherwise… and I would say with good reason.

Robots could one day demand the same citizen's rights as humans, according to a study by the British government. If granted, countries would be obliged to provide social benefits including housing and even "robo-healthcare", the report says.

"We're not in the business of predicting the future, but we do need to explore the broadest range of different possibilities to help ensure government is prepared in the long-term and considers issues across the spectrum in its planning," said Sir David King, the government's chief scientific adviser. – BBC news (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6200005.stm)

Yes, Deep Fritz, a chess-playing computer, has beaten human counterpart world chess champion Vladimir Kramnik in a six-game battle in Bonn, Germany. And a furry robotic seal in place of actual pets has been used for therapy in nursing homes to help people relax and exercise by the Japanese government. Robots and AI have always been improving by leaps and bounds but still they are I would say, far from human.

Still it is without doubt that our brain too, can be considered as one immensely complicated computer. Prone to glitches and viruses and needing a patch once in awhile. Spirituality aside, perhaps one day as our politics above have mentioned, we might just inherit the world to robots…

I recall having read from a book before about a philosopher who was concerned about what is the ultimate purpose a person should seek for in life.

...as my soul heal the shame...

Does it take more strength to hold on? Or does it take more strength to let go?

To hold on, bare hope, remember, keep close to heart, and faith to carry on. Requires one to have the courage to face uncertainty, that failure might abound. To trust that all that was endured was for a worthy cause, to trust that no promise may be broken. To remember the ordeals and lessons that were learnt, to keep all in mind all the time and always caution.

To let go, release, forgive, forget and set free. To Abandon whatever fruits that might have been beared. To set oneself upon uncertainty, to tread alone in foreignness. To have the courage to face whatever that may come as one leaves all behind to start anew. To free oneself from the protections of faith, that all was once well. To brand the banner of independence, vagrancy. To forgive all that was done to hurt, and forget for they know not what they do.

Gunung Angsi: At Gunung Angsi [Part II]

Wide flat fields of palm trees soon gave way to a gently undulating landscape as we ascend to higher ground. In the foggy distance, the horizon slowly sculpts into the towering shapes of mountains that loom majestically over the land.

The bus gears down to a slower pace as I look out the window to see the billboard saying "Welcome to Gunung Angsi". The place was unexpectedly quiet. There were none of the streaming tourists nor rows of parked vehicles. Small buildings stood empty and delapidated as though forsaken since time long ago. There were no shops, no chalets, no restaurants, just seemingly unused structures weathering under the sun.

This was quite unlike Mount Ophir which I visited about two years ago. There was a tourist resort, a restaurant, a guide house and stalls. There were people everywhere. Children, caucasians, asians and so on. It was so different.

As we alighted in the carpark, I took a deep breath of the sweet smell that is the surrounding forests. The morning air was so cool and fresh, like a sponge soaking away all the fatigue I felt during the bus ride.

We were told to visit the toilet and relieve ourselves to prepare for the long day ahead. The only water available was a running hose which was meant to be shared outside the ladies and gents. As simple as the settings were, it was more amusing than annoying that things were such.

The stark difference in amenities only further reminded us that this expedition is an enjoyment in the form of an experience. Just off the road was the river. Slow and gentle. Albeit looking abit too green for dipping.

We set off shortly after, trekking on a rather walking path to reach the so called 'start of the climb'. I was beginning worry if the trip was to be too relaxing. Oh boy i was wrong.

Treading along natures track I was once again. The rest of the team was chatting along. Cracking jokes, being cheerful. I didnt really know anyone well enough for me to jump into a conversation comfortably. As I tread along quietly, I thought to myself. Why am I here?

What is it that I seek that has driven me to this place. This wonderful place which, is wonderful to me in a way i did not seem to have questioned. Why has it been that so many speak of a preference to the smell of nature's honey dew and not the city's smell of burning fuel?

Soon we reached a checkpoint that seem to signify the beginning of the climb. We were all psyched and feeling gamed for the challenges ahead. So off we went!

Midway through, the trek started to rear its dreary face as everyone started to feel lactic acid accumulating.

But of course we pushed on. Pass the lustrous greenary. The verticle rock faces proved to be a challenge for our team, but we eventually managed to squeeze our bums through.

As the journey wore on, you could read from our faces how we were wishing for one thing to come quickly. The summit! As for the me so silly, I brought less water than I should. And thus was going abit crazy over dehydration. =p

Before long, we reached the summit! It took us almost 3-4 hours! It was here that we come to appreciate how the effort was well spent as the view around us seized our attention. Not as breathtaking as Ophir or Balumut, but still definitely worth the effort. =]

As much as we had wanted to stay there, we had to go. Dark clouds loomed ahead! So quickly we descended. However, more fun awaits!

On the way down, we once again passed by the sparkling river. Dr E suggested that we go for a swim! Something I had never even considered before. For certain, had I gone with other people i would have felt very restricted towards my composure.

There seem always to be a facade that cannot be shedsh. But there I was, with this bunch of nice strangers. I did not feel restricted at all. It felt like I was free to mould my personality as I saw fit and to do as I wished. I felt free. So splashingly I went to join in to swim and play in the water!! VERY COLD water!!

And it was here for the very first time in my life that I stood right beneath a waterfall! Letting the cold water splash over my head. Rinsing away all my tiredness and whatever thoughts which plagued my mind. I had never felt this good. This was the climax of the trip.

Soon after, we left the pool to return to the starting point happlily. Feeling accomplished and satisfied. We cleaned ourselves up at the communal hose before finally setting off for a much looked forward dinner and home, Singapore. =]

Gunung Angsi: The Way There [Part I]

I arrived early at kranji MRT station. 1pm. It was a sunday and the crowd was torrential. Full of anxiety was I as I stood awaiting the arrival of the team whom none I have met. Standing by the railings, I surveyed the endless stream of humans pouring from the station. Amongst this stream of strangers, must be the ones whom I would soon be spending the next 2 days and nights with. I waited and waited.

Stephan called me, "where are you, vincent?". "I am here already, sir". And I met stephan
the organiser of our trip. We walked towards a crowd of people whom I at once knew would
be part of my team.

We departed for johor bahru and arrived at the customs around 3pm to face a preposterously
long queue. We were Squashed and sanwiched between sticky perspiring bodies packed in a
poorly ventilated sauna. I was in the queue beside christopher and we both wondered if we
might actually collapse through asphyxiation before we even reach our destination.

Centimeter by centimeter we inched our way towards the custom gates as I gasped for air
arduously, battling with malodor and malicious people trying to cut our queue. As the crowds swell under the scorching mid day heat, we were almost sizzling like tunas packed in a rectangular fish tank, vertiginous and driven to the edge of delirium. In our heat-stroked semiconscious state we gazed despondently at the several air-conditioners installed in the enclosure, gathering dust.

40 minutes crept by before we could finally taste the fresh air once again and proceed to
the awaiting cushioned seats that were cooled and cordially eager to embrace us in the
travel coach.

The bus ride on the way to Negeri Sembilan near Kuala Lumpur, about 300km away from JB
took longer than I thought. On the way there we stopped by a string of outlets providing
refreshments for ones like us on a long journey. To my horror I realised I left my money
pouch back at home.

As such I resigned myself to try and borrow some cash later when I need to eat. Trying to avoid spending, I reframed from buying anything at the rest point. Mr Stephan was extremely kind and generous and treated me to a drink and some food even after much refusal. There I spoke with some of the other members of our team, Sharon, Elaine, Ester among others.

I realised I was in the company of such nice, pleasant people, quite unlike any i've met before. There seem to be this air of hospitality and acceptance about them which is pretty unique. There was sincerity in the conversations and a curiousity I seldom see bestowed upon strangers. I felt very blessed to have come to this trip, albeit alone.

A short while later we were all back on the bus. Zipping our way along wide to narrow roads winding between a vast seemingly endless expanse of palm tree plantations. Seated alone in a corner at the very end of the bus, I gazed with ataraxis at the passing scenery. Rows upon rows of palm trees stretch out into the never ending distance. Obscuring the view as the bus passes by at an angle, only to reveal a seemingly abysmal depth that blends into utter darkness as the bus passes perpendicular to the rows of trees.

After 2 hours of travel we arrived at Desa Inn, Kuala Pilah in Negeri Sembilan. Nestled in the middle a rundown town which host a scattering of shop houses. We made ourselves comfortable in the Inn before moving out to have our much awaited dinner.

Across the street, right in the middle of the roads sprawled hawkers selling all sorts of local delights. Under the dim street lamps and curious eyes peering from windows over our heads we dined. Sitting in the open air, shrouded with the aroma of frying chicken wings under a bright moon gleaming in the night sky, there was something of simplicity about the setting that was strangely reassuring.

I bought some goodies back to last the night and some chocolate bars to encourage me for
the journey come the next day. That night, I slept earlier than usual. Perhaps the hours of journey wore me down. Or perhaps, for once I had nothing to worry about. Or maybe because there was only smallville on TV.



~Beep Beep BEEP~! [6am]


I awoke to find myself incubating under a mass of blankets in a freezer as the airconditioner blasted away all night. I crawled out of bed and slided opened the balcony door to feel the warm air.

Chris was awake by then and washing up. I sat by the balcony listening to the morning sounds of huming machines and singing crickets. Glancing down I could see all the shops still closed and not a car in sight. The streets were empty! Life in the slow lane.

We had breakfast at a nearby coffee shop serving chinese food. The morning sky by now was dancing with swifts darting to and from their nests. Filling the air with the orchestra of chirping melody. Walking along the sheltered shop houses I saw this swift nest bustling with activity. The sound of young swiftlets belying their hidden sanctuary.

Before long, we were once again in the bus. On our way to the base of Gunung Angsi...

Excerpts from Reader's Digest

Qns: Can a man and a women ever just be friends?

Ans: For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requires that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive.

Qns: How do you know when to end a friendship?

Ans: As soon as you get that sneaking suspicion that it never really began.

lol

back to the past

Today I went to help dad deliver some beach umbrellas and stone stands. As we shuttled from industrial estate to industrial estate, my father laments to me about how bad the economy is and how the government isn't really helping.

As I stared out at the changing scenery, his words materialise before me. Indeed, stretch after stretch of warehouses stood vacant and empty. With an occasional surviving unit scattered here and there.

We stopped at the unit of our stone stand supplier, a lone rundown storehouse smack inthe middle of an entirely empty row of storehouses. Dad disappeared into the office as I sat in the van waiting.

There I sat, staring at the foreign workers toiling in the sweltering heat. I looked into their strained faces as they glanced pass mine. Ignoring my presence. I wonder what goes on in their minds as they labour on. A life so different. Are they looking forward to knocking off? Do they have families to return to? What has kept them struggling on..

I guess deep down, we all just want to make a living. With someything to look forward to.

We reached Temasek LifeScience Laboratories sometime later to deliver the goods. My father was quite surprised that I actually know and greeted some of the researchers there. I had my ITP there. One of the guys quite surprised to see me, asked me what am I doing here. I introduced him my dad, and explained that im helping him deliver some stuff.

Me: "Is Derong still working here?" (Derong was my mentor)
Researcher: "oh yes he is! wanna come and visit us?"
Me: "(smiles) perhaps later..."

But of cos.. I know I wont. I know i'll be heading somewhere else after this. Yet.. im still wondering, would I have wished to stay..

Last time I was the one on the other side, don in labcoats and scuttling into dark corridors. Now im on this side, in my 3 quarters and sweaty t-shirt. Life in perspective eh?

On the way back home, we passed by my 1st primary school. Jin Tai Primary.

Dad: "has it changed much?"
Me: "not really, new coat of paint, renovations.."
Dad: "would you still recognise the friends you made from here?
Me: ".. I don't think we'll recognise each other.. people change.."
Dad: "I wonder where are they now.."
Me: "me too.."

I remember their faces..

more crab legs!!

Today must be my craziest day of the year! Utter madness lah!

Okok. This morning went Sentosa with my secondary school friends expecting to get some serious sun scorching. I bought nothing but just a pouch and a towel, wallet and hp. haha. All was well up to the point where we actually were at siloso beach. *rUMble rumBLe* RAIN.

In the mean time, Meilian and Wenbin went off to look for Joanne. At first it got abit dark, then it got rEALLY dark. I got this crazy imagination that the dark clouds were just blowing around in circles above our heads. Dennis got demoralised, claiming that he runs on solar power. hah!

We pounced on a vacant shelter area and sort of made it our territory. I got this crazy idea that we should sit in a circle and start chanting and dancing like jungle people so that we scare off other people who want to invade our hut. hahaha

We sat around chatting abit. Before deciding that we might as well go out and play in the rain. And what we did? ahem.. we started to build sand castles because I notice the sand was wet and conducive, and we 1st built..a.. ahem.ahem. lol.

It was damn crazy.. we were laughing all the way. After awhile it got demolished, by this time zk and his gf was here. We decided to build something more decent. Then, twin towers with planes on both sides. hahaha! madness. All the while in the rain.

2 hours passed and ML and WB are still not back yet. They finally reached after we waited for some time more. Then we played captains ball. Yet another fitful worth of laughter. Then we went to wade around in the sea. Doing all sorts of crazy things like pretending the clay/sand to be shit and throwing it around at each other. WB got pushed into the sea and soon became a common target.

After washing up, (and discovering that ALL the fishes in the pond at one of the toilet areas were DEAD with the bodies all piled up!) we went ahead to eat at marina south. We picked "zheng fa huo hai xian". They really serve live prawns.. haha. Joanne was screaming each time the prawns jumped in the plastic container. I bagged my share of chicken and pork and we started to feast. Halfway through I got really thirsty and went hunting around for the watermelons.

I got searched around the whole place but couldn't find any cut watermelon. Just the whole melons in whole. I went back to the table and told them my crazy idea that I might as well just bag the whole melon to the table, "uncle, watermelon yi li".

I went back and asked the person when will the melons be ready to be served.. he said 2 minutes. So I stood there and waited. hahhaa.. then snatch! Went back excited with my prize, they cleared a plate and got me back to snatch somemore~~mm

Towards the end, the food got really too salty to tolerate. And I told them that maybe the uncle at the drink stall is in charge of the salt.. "add more salt!add more salt! buy more drinks! wahaha". By than I was abit drunk with food and very much crazy. Started playing with my food. I got two of the crabs legs and stuffed them into my mouth, doing a predator impersonation.

Then I got the crazy idea of snapping off the end segment, and placing it into my mouth.. so I looked like dracula~ wahhaahhaa. Everyone was pretty crazy by that point. ZL tried to follow what I was doing and stuff crab legs into his mouth too. lol. At the end, I stuffed all the legs into a "man tou", to make a "man tou crab" with a pincer for a head.*snap pic*

On the way back, ML started becoming REALLY CRAZY. KEEP TRYING TO PINCH MY FACE. UGH. GO AWAY!! NI ZHOU KAI!! hope shes not reading this.. ahaha

You're beautiful..

Just yesterday I had a conversation with Hannah. Feeling blue cos I got a feeling that a friend is drifting away from me. Maybe abit more than that. It seems that slowly, once again I am being forgotten. Everytime someone drifts away, it seems you lose alittle part of yourself. Bit by bit. Hannah said I just have to move on and live with it. It will take awhile for the memory to fade. Thanks for the memories. I will move on. Perhaps at the end of days, we'll all turn to smile at our past in longing, and learn to smile at each other again.

Stigma. I have since quited my job. I guess my leave came as quite a shock to most of them. They ask why go for a job that pays less? I guess i'm more of an idealistic than a realistic person. I can't settle for a job just for the money alone. There must be the interest. I must say, these people sure are an enjoyable bunch =]. Had some funny times with them. Hope you guys continue to have fun there.

relieved...

Entry for: 19/04/2006

Ever been in a situation where you actually need to come up with something to look forward to in life in order to get on without feeling low? Yes, it's about my job again. I now understand why the employee replacement rate is so high here. I've lost count of the number of people i've irritated with my incessant phone calls. So what is it I look forward to? Quiting. In fact, i've been thinking about it for awhile. Even trying to get my friends to join me in this job just so it'll encourage me to stay on. But I figured it won't be a good idea. I think it's better just to quit. It's taking a toil on my health. Hope zoo gets to me soon...

During lunch time, Hui zheng aka !Tudi! messaged me. Says she'll be able to watch Ice Age II with me later! haha. So good. This is a GOOD !TUDI! =p.

Heard news that one of the temp staff under field research is having her last day today. This kinda strengthened my resolve to tender my resignation.

~The working day ends~

I went to my boss and told her of my intention to quit. To my surprise, she took it quite well. I assured her that I will try my best to clear my pending call lists over the next 2 days. Out of her kindness, she actually decided to pay me in full rather than the 1/2 pay that was expected for breaking the contract. Thanks Alison. =]
6.30pm. I went down to suntec to meet !Tudi!. Feeling extremely relieved that i've finally resigned. We went makan at some vegi restaurent. Catch up on gossips and crapping before entering the theatre at 7.30pm.

~Movie Ends~

Ice Age II is actually quite enjoyable. Good stuff if you just want some absolutely brainless entertainment. It's meant for kids anyway. I was telling my !Tudi! that, yes we finally realise we've grown old now that such shows no longer seem funny. hah.

We loitered around suntec after that, crapping as we go before meeting Shi Hong on the way home. Shi Hong was telling us how he plans to start a Cafe. And the 3 of us "craps-storm" the idea of opening a "biotech theme" cafe. hahaha. sssh. Details secret. =p

Honestly, speaking..

Entry for: 18/04/2006

This is one of those blog entries where i've decided that I shouldn't keep everything to myself. Here goes...

Just this morning I took a halfday leave. Was too tired to crawl to work this morning. Actually it's more because of the fact that I intend to quit soon, which if I do, i'd probably get half pay for the week anyway.

About 10am I woke up to the booming voice of dad ranting away unreasonably at mommy. As usual. Reminds me of just yesterday when dad argued heatedly with sis over some trival matter. We have all quite resigned to the fact that theres no way to reason with anymore.

It feels weird to see dad so detached from reason. I quickly rushed off to work after settling the matter and finishing breakfast. Unfortunately, another boring day at the office. I'm really not suited for this kinda job. oh well...

Reached home at 7.30pm. On the way back, a friend called me. Sounding somewhat suspiciously, to ask me if I might join her for dinner. Was too far off, so she said nevermind.

Back home mommy was talking to san jie. Mom just came back from hospital checkup. The cancer department. There appears to be come form of tissue growth in her uterus. She said the doctors took tissue samples for analysis. I wonder when will the results be out. She came home to tell us about it, sounding almost amused. I wonder how is she apprehending this. I'm worried.

Later in the night I played DOTA with AI for awhile, when I recieved a message from my suspicious friend. She can't make it for the movie tomorrow. Yikes. I think theres more to it. Nevermind. I already have the tickets. Have to try and find someone free tomorrow. Suddenly got no appetite for dinner. Sad...

Feeling on a Spur

I wish to a write a story of feeling, a sense oh so true.
One I just felt moments and moments ago, tinge of sadness, forlorn and blue.

Moments ago I lay in my bed, trying to rest my mind. Trying to end the scourge of late nights, habits so haply mine. Eyes closed and head on pillow, breathing slowly to calm.

In the silence I could hear, a distant rumbling in the dark.
“Oh it’s going rain”, I thought and then the feeling came.
In the silence of night so drowned by words, a mind was in despair.
And in that mind, were the thoughts of people and people still.

Over and over the scenes narrate. A spiral with meanings obscured. Here I try to put in words the minutes that ensued.

In the mind where time transients, to many the times so long ago. The feeling that came with knowing people and that wandered as they go. People come and placed aside the thing which makes us all. A memory of companionship, flavor, summer and fall.

You I remember that came to bridge the gap, of boredom and solitude that often a student’s mishap.
So many a times the mind had wished that more could be said to that.
It came and it went the feeling, again and again. Oh how I wish it would stop.

The smell of rain reaches me now. How I love that smell. Yet no rain has yet to be seen, just the telling breeze and sound.
This is the weather which I find peace, for reasons I only suppose. That while others seek the glorious sun, attention was found in darkness and prose.

There are the ones though, you, that the mind know not what to feel. But a feeling does come to reside, un-deciphered yet potent still.

Will you stay and play? But go you may still. In others favor find you will.

To the ones always sought after, the mind ponders. What effort is seeking and find? Leave me, so bitterness consumes.

Of the days so spent, to fatigue the body and lay the mind to numb.
Together were many the hours, and laughter full of glee. At the end of the day the mind wonders, was laughter just propensity? Time flies when you are having fun, or when fun is having you.

The mind wonders on.

Yet it is the ones that do not question, that seems to last long. And for the ones that eventually speaks, lustre is hard to carry on.

A memory pops up, to serve and remind. Yes, there are those that the memory scarcely a place it finds. What horror that would be, if I am such a memory.
It is this fear that the mind supposed, to draw a moving on.

My mind shifts to near present, or past and future expects. What has yet again happened, to make this repeat again. What a friend must one comprehend, to not feel it again. In desperation I confessed, will one be made to stay?

Rain is here. I rushed to close the windows, to avoid getting wet. Yet there are times when I just wished, rain would drench me through.

How often does one feel, that no one is around? How often is often, to be considered sound? How many have changed, just to feel alright. How many have lost the self that might have been right.

After all that I have written to satisfy my mind, the feeling still lingers. Why oh why? If only you would read and feel the same. And if you do, if only I know you. If only I knew.