天黑黑....下雨了...下雨了~

Greetings again,
Its been a rainy rainy day. Drizzling since last night. On my way to school, hands tucked in my pockets, walking along the grassy field towards Yew Tee MRT station. The gentle tapping sound of rain drops accompany my every stride. Looking down to avoid my eyes from the falling rain I could see my own reflection in the puddles on the pavement, "me?" I thought...
Seemingly embarassed, I looked up to see the usual toil of people streaming to the station, walking briskly to avoid the pelting rain. Everyone was so quiet, eager to reach the shelter...just the sound of rain.

我走在每天必须面对的分岔路
我怀念过去单纯美好小幸福
天空很大却看不清楚 好孤独...

There was this familiar feeling, like I was somewhere else. A kind of security, heartfelt longingness. "What is this feeling? What have I forgotten?"....

~...strolling in the rain in my primary school. Behind the classroom blocks alone, I can hear everyone else...playing in the field, having singing lessons in class, laughing and chatting in the canteen....*riiinngg* back to class. Someone saw me...walk away..walk away...~

*Doors Closing*....In the MRT on the way to Jurong East. I leaned by my usual spot on the train...on the doors facing the outside of the station, where I could see the streets...the people and cars below. Under the cover of shelter, the constant bustleing noise of people chatting in the train. The beat of music from the earphones of the person in front of me...I turned away to look out the window...I tried to count the trees that zoomed passed...1..2..3...too many...drops of rain streaks the window plane, guided by the wind...

~...hiding under the teachers desk...it was dark...but I can see the light in the rest of the classroom...Friends: "what are you doing in there? why don't you come out to play?"...."teacher, he is hiding under the desk again"......Teacher: "Yokzuan..why don't you come out?".....but I like it in here...~

While waiting for the pasir ris train, I didnt felt like squeezing with the rest of the crowd at the station...so I walked to the back of the platform. I walked from one end of the station to the other. Then I saw someone I knew..."should I approach her?"...the train came. As I board the train I saw that someone was accompanying her. "Nevermind then"...I walked to the center of the carriage to avoid being spotted...

~...time to go home...I quickly packed my bag and walked out of the classroom...why did class have to end...rushing down the hallway..."hey!!..wait up!!"....I turned around..."Why are you walking so fast??"....I looked away..."I....~

Dover. I got off the train...still unspotted. Down the escalator I quickly rushed off towards my class at T4. It was still drizzling...I could still feel it...a feeling so plain...so simple...

~...cycling in circles outside kranji secondary...carefully avoiding the puddles on the floor left by the rain. oh..."hello!"...."are you waiting for someone?"...."no I..im going home....lets go home"...~

忘记...

sUffer the pAin. beCause it IS youRs.

Greetings once again,
Pressure. Stress. Depression. Mere words but to many of us many a chords of heart will strike. Sadly in this mortal world that I dwell, time is always running away from me. There is often so much to do, so little time to do them. Dreams...and the wishes...the wishes which I hold so dear to me. Brittle shatters, a shard of my soul.
Relief, like too many a sand castles sweep away with each coming tide.

Time is no mercy to the living, and the scars my father bare hold true to its testament. With each passing day my services are required more and more. A problem solved today breeds trouble for tomorrow. Always never far away, the role to play as a son as much as a student as much as a slave to my emotions. Fatigue and weariness like the tides wear away the vigour of youth. Comfort through others I seek and assurance through things I know, fleeting are both as morning dew. So tired..so tired...if just to hide and cry. Hope?

Is there a cause to blame? Many a times I question my slice of suffer pie...."why me?" I will ask. Why a cut wound draws seething blood. Why so many a questions trouble me. Why the mind bares scars that feel more than pain. Why the hands are stained with regrets that never wash away. why why why....it angers me.

So I tell myself...."Suffer the Pain...because it is Yours".

In those who suffer, who can be turned to. In relief or remorse they feel, cannot anymore. Who questions the plight of millions who starve everyday, the blight of death that plagues the wars at play. Suffer their pain they do everyday, to them its just normal june to may. Suffer my pain I must for its mine, a possession I trust can never decline.
Others I cannot wait, their sympathy I cannot rely or apathy of theirs I will have to suffice. Faces so sweet, hearts so pure, hurts to know I am not there anymore. Goodbye I demand of me, to rid the kind faces I seek of thee. Suffer the pain I have to be me, because in pain I see hopes a glimmery.

In hope I survive, to due my purpose.
I will be free.
~Live~

the Weird & wonderful

Greetings once again,
I had the weirdest revelation yesterday. Was watching this documentary on Discovery about robots...how robots are going to change everything.
Asibo, the latest bipedal robot developed by Honda actually begun its development way back in the 1980s!! Talk about planning for the future (who knws what are they up to now?). Then theres this new concept...'swarmbots' which are small simple robots that are able to communicate with each other to work together as a colony...much like ants and bees do. Simple minds which can come together to solve complex problems. To the militaries in question, this is definitely a weapon of deadly potential.
They are even developing (or actually they have developed) robots that possess not just facial expressions, but the ability to emulate human emotions. Infact, it seems that humans are pretty easily fooled into interpreting 'synthetic' emotions as 'real' emotions and react accordingly to them. While one does worry about a future of robots (think Matrix), acceptance is going to be comfortably gradual. Because, with the age of cybernetics, body parts that fail us will be replaced by man-made ones.
Most glaring to me however, as i sat there in my comfy chair thinking i've seen it all, was this experiment. They made this 'robot'. They call it the 'ratbot'. Its actually a rat...with wires and stuff dangling from it skull to a reciever strapped to its back. The rat appears healthy, not burdened nor in pain, happily running around. Yes its running around...rats run around....but this one...was remote controlled like a toycar.
The ingenuity or breakthrough was as simple as this: get a rat, look for a part of the brain that interprets pleasure, use an electrode to stimulate it whenever it follows the certain direction you want it to walk.
The researchers boasts that rather than having a totally synthetic robot that, by current standards can only run for about an hour, their 'ratbot' can remain operational for 12 hours. Are easy to produce (breed) and much..much more agile (figures...we're just riding on all those millions of years of evolution in agility). As far as the rat is concerned, its having pleasure. Ethic issues anyone?
I realised that, while ethical issues in genetic engineering (all that mix and match *poof* magic) seemed dire enough...its all coming to be rather futile. The very cogitation of identity in all and everything that we know has never before been so starkly displayed as naive. Lack of philosophical wisdom in identity? All too true.
Once again it pains me (whoever i am) the most, that a vast majority of the public are very much ignorant or apathetic or even both (i dont knw and i dont care) about this. Infectious idea? You bet. And our sacred education in all its glory isn't helping at all. Sure, you wont die if you not know...but whats the point in living without knowing what it means to live?

"curiouser and curiouser" - Alice

....blog?

Greetings,
So here i am...a blog? Never appeared in such a reality before. Interesting realm. Was listening to some tunes and feeling aloof when someone suggested that i could set up a blog account.
"May words descride my thoughts once again?" Tantalising idea...nostalgic almost..to the good old times where words flow freely. So here i am.

Like a stranger in a barren land....vagrant wonders....questions pop into my mind seeking answers..."why do i care to blog?", "what purpose and ends do i seek from such an endeavour?".
With voices in doubt, i asked myself...yes...so why...what does my mind care so much to share?

Could it be human instinct? I suppose...ideas in my mind...they are like viruses. An entity to itself that bares my brain as host, whoes sole purpose is to infect other minds. Minds with prying eyes that seek to know what i have to spare.
Ideas that appeal to the mind are kept and propagated, others are modified and disseminated or disintegrated into the abyss of forgotten nothingness. Lost information. Alas the words of a fervent believer of evolution theory.
Is the mind driven by its cortege of memory and ideas to communicate? Or does the mind communicate by necessity? Which bring about the question of 'Free will'. Ah yes...the human mind is truly perplexing to itself.

There is so much more to say...but time disallows more words to play. So now i end this blog in disarray, my ideas shall flow on yet another day.