Tribute to the moon

Greetings,

Heres a little something interesting to share...

Listen To The Whispers

Greetings,

Before i start, heres wishing all a Happy Lunar New Year! Gong Xi Fa Chai!

HUAT AR!!!!!!!!!!

This afternoon I went New-Year-visiting to my grandmas’ place. Everyone dressed presentably, on this sunny windy day, same as the passed years. As was with the past, such gatherings we would all concur. The gathering of aunties and uncles, the usual questions.

“when are you getting married?” “when are you having your next child?” Etc.

People shaking each others hand happily. People giving Ang Baos. The new year goodies. The usual awkward crowd of younger generations staring at the TV screen, pretending to be watching something extraordinarily interesting, avoiding any possibly weird conversations.

For as long as I can remember, we always gather at grandmas’ place every New Year for visiting because it is not convenient for grandma to move around too much. Overtime this has become a routine of ‘grandma visiting’ where everyone young or old would come to greet our matriarch who is now 94 years of age.

Interestingly, she is like the magnet that holds the extended families together, although she doesn’t really remember everyone and seldom talks to most of us. Not surprising since everyone only gathers at most twice a year.

This year, after the usual staring-at-TV routine of visiting I decided to go talk to grandma, seeing how she was just sitting there smiling at everyone.

There weren’t many people that she could talk to, even though the whole house was roaring with chatter and laughter as relatives exchange their gossips. She could only speak to us in Teochew, which most of the younger generation do not speak or barely understand. The aunties and uncles who do speak the dialect, are spending their time catching up with each other.

Everyone seems to have accepted that grandma could no longer really hold a thoughtful conversation.

I sat down beside her, watching her smile at the young and english speaking children running around. “A beautiful smile” I thought to myself, feeling happy that she seems happy to see us all. She held my hand;

(In Teochew)
Me: “Ah ma, I am your 5th daughters’ son. Your grandson.
Ah ma: “when are you graduating?”
Me: “Not so soon yet. I haven’t finish my NS”
Ah ma: “I now have poor memory, cannot remember many things”
Ah ma: “I get lost if I leave the house. So I stay indoors. Sometimes I don’t remember where I put my things”
Me: “It’s alright ah ma, it is the same for everyone”
Ah ma: “I don’t dare to leave the house, I don’t on the TV when no one is at home”
Me: “Why?”
Ah ma: “I can’t see the TV clearly, I can’t hear the TV clearly. I now have poor memory. Old already is useless”
Ah ma: “where are you studying?”

(At this point I got the help of my mom to translate NTU into teochew for me.)

Me: “I will be going to NTU”
Ah ma: “I see, I don’t remember. I have poor memory now”
Mom comes in: “Ah ma repeats alot of things doesn’t she?”
Me: “…yes…”

(Mom goes back to talking to the other aunties)

Ah ma: “I now have poor memory, can’t see things clearly, cannot understand what most of you say”.
Ah ma: “Sometimes I don’t know what you all are saying, I cannot understand. I cannot hear clearly. I just smile”
Me: “would you like us to bring you out of the house?”
Ah ma: “no no. I am fine here”
Ah ma: “Old already very useless can’t see much, can’t hear much”

I felt so sad. I looked around the house, seeing all those people sitting there. Some happily chatting away. Most just sitting around. How many of them know how ah ma is feeling? What ah ma is thinking? Or are they afraid of what they might hear?

Me (trying to smile as I speak): “it is alright ah ma, it is the same for everyone when they get old”
Me: “we will be going off soon, ah ma”
Ah ma: “do sit awhile more”

Grandma glances over to my nieces chatting at another corner and smiles her beautiful smile.

Me: “would you like me to call them over?”
Ah ma: Smiles and nods her head

I called them over, but they couldn’t understand what grandma was saying and only smiled shyly. She caresses them. After awhile they ran off again. Grandma smiling as always.

As we left the house, she steps out of the door to wave us goodbye. Smiling her beautiful smile as always.

“See you next year”, I heard someone say. It felt so sad to me.

Grandma just smiles her smile. Waves goodbye…