My Birthday

Greetings again,
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeee...happy birthday to me~)

I had never really thought much about birthdays. What are they? They have always seemed to be just like most ordinary days. Thus I did not really cared much about other peoples' birthdays as well. Perhaps consequently, I seldom recieve any birthday greetings. I didn't contemplate that my friends don't send me any greetings. These all didn't really mattered to me. Thus it has always puzzled me that so many people I know regard birthdays so sacredly. And would seem to take to heart so much that others do not wish them birthdays.

But then i've always been slightly the different, introverted. I'll prefer solitude to congregation. Silent acknowledgement to open discussion. In other words, I can say now with hindsight of myself that I was, perhaps still am, quite uncomfortable with people. I never really was able to communicate, to express myself well to other people. This inability gradually developed into a habit of avoidance. And perhaps my disregard for birthdays, my and others, is a form of this habit in manifestation.

Recently, certain events have served to change my worldview. And i've made more friends, although i'm still weary of my former reservations. Changes which perhaps I shall not discuss as yet of how and why. As with the other of my birthdays, today or rather this morning I recieved a few birthday greetings. As usual I wasn't conscious of the date and they came rather as a surprise. But then this time there was a difference, I felt some intense feelings. Perhaps the feelings have always been there without my recognising it. Feelings that causes the pausing of things and halt the flow of time. I realise that with the acknowledgement of my birthday and the greetings I recieved, will come the feeling of contentment and reassurance. But what immediately follows was a rather strong bout of grieve. A grieve set about first by the fact that my birthday was ignored or forgotten by ones whom my heart dwelled most. Grieves that struck me with the realisation of how much a disappointment I had been to others who had expected at least a birthday greeting from me. Grieves of the knowledge that I still hold on to images I have of people. Perhaps outright disregard of such events is a merciful way of escape. For one so succumbing to malevolent thoughts.

But nay. All has changed. Birthdays shall be wished upon as they come. =)

~For all that I seek and know, in reverance I bare the acknowledgement~