A moment of life~

Greetings,

How long has it been since I last felt inspired to write? How long has it been since I last decided to record my thoughts in this form? Well once again here I am, in this place now so unfamiliar.

Some days ago a friend of mine gave me an interesting thought through our conversation. We were talking about the upcoming FOC and she was saying that I might meet some girls of fancy there if I patronize. And she said:

“...at least it is something special that can happen in your uni life…” -Laurie

For a moment I was dumbstruck. For it was a sentiment that had never occurred to me before. To have something special in any part of my life. Suddenly, so simply, yet subtlety I realized that throughout the many phases of my life that I had lived, I had never once thought about how I might be able to define it as to have “something special” about it. Needless to say, to have something special in my university life.

It is not just about something special as in a relationship or anything of that sort. It is about whether I had anything special that I could use to define my life. Or any part of it for that matter. Something I can so confide in, that I can so honestly call it truly special to me, in my life.

By her few simple words, she made me realize that, I have never thought, never tried to make any part of my life special before. That I have resigned to the fact that I will live an ordinary life. How shameful. Have you thought about how you can make your life special? I know now I have not.

Let us change that shall we?

Fortuitously, just moments before, another friend of mine gave me another interesting thought through our conversation. We were talking about how our lives have been after the tumultuous exams and how we each have some misgivings about how we ought to be spending our time. And she said:

“…nvm lahx. juz focus on wad u wan nw. enjoy ur moment of life…” -Doreen

It was apt for us since we had practically no life prior to our exams. But after I gave it some thought, I realize that this was not just an apt phrase. It is particularly defining phrase and reminder.

A reminder that our life is afterall, just a brief moment in time. That we only have by standard of history, a brief moment to live. And that we only have this so very short time, blink of eye, bright flashing fragile spark of life that we can make our lives worth living.

If you have read Stephan Hawkins’ book, “A Brief History of Time”, you’ll concur how our history is indeed very brief, amidst the great depths of discovery that awaits us, in the vast void of oblivion that is the reality we exist in.

Shall we make the most of this “moment”?

=]

http://www.sold.sg/?afcd=friend&friend_id=c2f7ed1ee64244a83699d29345ce1e93a07a2d9a

Donna Donna...

Greetings,

I have a song share... oh...

On 179 bound for NTU

There's a student with a mournful eye

High above him there's a swallow

Winging swiftly through the sky

How the winds are laughing

They laugh with all their might

Laugh and laugh the whole day through

And half the semester's night

Donna donna donna donna, donna donna donna don,

donna donna donna donna, donna donna donna don

"Stop complaining," said the Lecturer,

"Who told you a student to be

Why don't you have wings to fly with

Like the swallow so proud and free?"

Students are easily bound and slaughtered

Never knowing the reason why

But whoever treasures freedom

Like the swallow has learned to fly

How the winds are laughing

They laugh with all their might

Laugh and laugh the whole day through

And half the semester's night

Donna donna donna donna, donna donna donna don,

donna donna donna donna, donna donna donna do....

Vindicated

Greetings,

Reading a newspaper article yesterday enlightened me to a new terminology! How very refreshing, given that its been ages since I came across anything intellectually gratifying. muahaha..here it goes

The psychologist Martin Seligman gave the world the term "learned helplessness". His expriments indicated that animals that perceive themselves in a situation of unavoidable discomfort will finally just learn to accept the situation unconditionally.

Human beings do that too. We learn to act helpless, even if we have the power to change circumstances. "Once that happens, they become passive recipients, and there is no motivation for them to do anything."

Im sure this rings a bell to every Singaporean. Especially the guys... Learned helplessness... NS. No analogy required. haha. We have a common name for it even, "Lan-Lan Suck Thumb".

NS aside, hasn't it always been said and told that Singaporeans are an apathetic bunch? Think of the average you and me. How often have we felt that, "This is impossible, there is no better way than that, I will need this before I can move on, I cannot achieve this unless I am like them", etc. Often even in school, we are told that "things are just this way". "Accept this", "Just do it like this". Helpless.

Over time we have learned to be helpless, that unless we have this and that, we are helpless. Are we really ever helpless? How much of our life have we let slip out of our hands by simply denying that we can clench our own fate?

Think Michael Phelps. The goofy guy who won 8 olympic medals, breaking 7 in world record times. Many have told him it cannot be done. The rest is now legend.


For all of you out there who have a dream, don't lose faith! Life is lived in your own way. And for those who don't yet have a goal in life, take heart and carve your own path.

Don't learn to be helpless!!!

So nice wor~

Greetings,

Heres a little something I received from from one of my specialists who has since ORD-ed. Nice guy..

Dear Sir,

Wah lao why go NTU? Come NUS! Haha. Anyway time really flew ever since we started working together since mid June 2007. It has been a memorable and fruitful seven months of partnership. All the EXs ah, the admin stuffs and platoon related issues that we overcame with flying colors. All these experiences have forced [me] to become a more mature person. This "forced" growing process was an invisible force. I did not even know what hit me until the process was complete. I was transformed from a spoilt kid to today an ambitious youth with lofty dreams in mere months. All these would not have been possible without your influence.

Yok Zuan you are an awesome commander and a good friend. You are like an owl of our platoon. An owl with sharp eyes that watches over us all the time, swooping to our rescue at first sight of trouble. A good friend that offers a listening ear to all who needs it and golden advices it comes with. This is starting to sound like a testinomial but even if it is one, this one is really from the bottom of my heart.

I want you to know that i really appreciated all the [care] and guidance during my time in our platoon. I have been excited about this day for as long as I can remember with all the hype about fresh start and new chapter in life after ORD. Now that the day has finally arrived, I do feel reluctant to leave behind such a wonderful company. I'm only leaving with a tinge of reluctance but no regrets because I know our guys are in good hands under your leadership.

Yours sincerely,

Yi Xin

Awww... thx for letting me post this up, Mr Yi Xin. haha. Cya at TSG. ORD loh~!

Are you Social?

Greetings,

I recently came across somewhat of a revelation on what it means to be human. While I take pride in thinking that I knew much aplenty on the physical and biological aspects of what makes a human being, it has never quite occurred to me the importance of one particular facet of humanity. That humans are, very much meant to be social beings.

I sometimes resign myself to being anti-social. Even to the extent that I tell myself, “yes, it is a good thing”. Its a way of preventing oneself from getting into difficult interpersonal situations. And sometimes it is even a requirement in our working or learning context to be somewhat anti-social.

So why does things become this way? Many people blame it on “Society”, but why does society, the very definition of which is the extension of the human social instinct, drives people to the state of being anti-social?

Individualism. No doubt this is the inherent and hidden buzz word of many a cultures one can find abound. In fact, if you take a little time to listen to any commercial or speech you will be hard pressed to find any mentioning of phrases like, “our success”. You will be more likely to hear phrases of, “your success depends on..” or “my success depends on...”.

When it comes to relationships, individuals think it is a choice for one to choose whether to enter into or to withdraw from. We increasingly think in terms of “what you owe me” rather than what we owe others. We feel that one has the rights, the rights to certain possessions and we think very defensively.

Have you ever thought of what you will teach your children next time to help them succeed? We expect to teach our children the street-wise skills of doing well in school, fighting for jobs, surviving in politics, fighting for your rights. How about the skills of how to maintain relationships or cultivate good ones? Have you thought of that?

With the age of individualism, the law has provisions for human rights. And while it is indeed important to prevent exploitation of people, no one has ever bothered to explain that these laws are "legal negotiations, not ethical statements". Your rights are legal, but how you exert them should be based on your own moral and ethical beliefs.

Our doors have never been stronger, and our window grills never been safer. Surveillance and security cameras have never been more advance. And suicide rates have never been higher.

We can have wealth and health and many an intellectual pursuits. You can build defenses around your life to minimize social contact but without this very human, very innate element of being social, are you ever as much as you can be? Are you happy?

Which came 1st? De Chicken or De Egg?

Greetings,

Let us take a moment and return to ze age old question that we never really bothered to attempt while we were kids... Which came 1^st?

The Chicken or the Egg?

You might say that there is no answer to this question. I say there is! And theres more than one!

1# The Egg came 1st!

Most of mainstream science agrees that all life on earth once evolved from simple organisms like bacteria. Through evolution as creatures slowly but surely accumulate changes and mutations in their DNA, more and more complex organisms appeared. Like the dog from wolves and man from apes etc. One can envision that once upon a time, chickens came from a kind of bird that didn't look like chickens. One day, a slightly mutated chicken-ancestor laid an egg that bore the genes to create the chicken that we know today. And voila~! Our beloved chicken has arrived from the egg of a non-chicken. So the 1^st chicken was born; from the egg!

2#The Chicken came 1st!

From a taxonomic point of view, of course the chicken came 1st! The world as we know it, is only

as we define it. Just as noise is only defined as noise when someone is there to hear it. In the

beginning, when humans 1^st decided to categorize the Chicken (Gallus gallus, sometimes G. gallus domesticus), they look to the bird itself and recognize the species from that bird, not so much the egg. Thus, that bird 1^st become known as the “Chicken”, from the fowl, and not from its egg. Thus, as far human's description is concerned, the “Chicken” came 1st!

lalala~

Tribute to the moon

Greetings,

Heres a little something interesting to share...

Listen To The Whispers

Greetings,

Before i start, heres wishing all a Happy Lunar New Year! Gong Xi Fa Chai!

HUAT AR!!!!!!!!!!

This afternoon I went New-Year-visiting to my grandmas’ place. Everyone dressed presentably, on this sunny windy day, same as the passed years. As was with the past, such gatherings we would all concur. The gathering of aunties and uncles, the usual questions.

“when are you getting married?” “when are you having your next child?” Etc.

People shaking each others hand happily. People giving Ang Baos. The new year goodies. The usual awkward crowd of younger generations staring at the TV screen, pretending to be watching something extraordinarily interesting, avoiding any possibly weird conversations.

For as long as I can remember, we always gather at grandmas’ place every New Year for visiting because it is not convenient for grandma to move around too much. Overtime this has become a routine of ‘grandma visiting’ where everyone young or old would come to greet our matriarch who is now 94 years of age.

Interestingly, she is like the magnet that holds the extended families together, although she doesn’t really remember everyone and seldom talks to most of us. Not surprising since everyone only gathers at most twice a year.

This year, after the usual staring-at-TV routine of visiting I decided to go talk to grandma, seeing how she was just sitting there smiling at everyone.

There weren’t many people that she could talk to, even though the whole house was roaring with chatter and laughter as relatives exchange their gossips. She could only speak to us in Teochew, which most of the younger generation do not speak or barely understand. The aunties and uncles who do speak the dialect, are spending their time catching up with each other.

Everyone seems to have accepted that grandma could no longer really hold a thoughtful conversation.

I sat down beside her, watching her smile at the young and english speaking children running around. “A beautiful smile” I thought to myself, feeling happy that she seems happy to see us all. She held my hand;

(In Teochew)
Me: “Ah ma, I am your 5th daughters’ son. Your grandson.
Ah ma: “when are you graduating?”
Me: “Not so soon yet. I haven’t finish my NS”
Ah ma: “I now have poor memory, cannot remember many things”
Ah ma: “I get lost if I leave the house. So I stay indoors. Sometimes I don’t remember where I put my things”
Me: “It’s alright ah ma, it is the same for everyone”
Ah ma: “I don’t dare to leave the house, I don’t on the TV when no one is at home”
Me: “Why?”
Ah ma: “I can’t see the TV clearly, I can’t hear the TV clearly. I now have poor memory. Old already is useless”
Ah ma: “where are you studying?”

(At this point I got the help of my mom to translate NTU into teochew for me.)

Me: “I will be going to NTU”
Ah ma: “I see, I don’t remember. I have poor memory now”
Mom comes in: “Ah ma repeats alot of things doesn’t she?”
Me: “…yes…”

(Mom goes back to talking to the other aunties)

Ah ma: “I now have poor memory, can’t see things clearly, cannot understand what most of you say”.
Ah ma: “Sometimes I don’t know what you all are saying, I cannot understand. I cannot hear clearly. I just smile”
Me: “would you like us to bring you out of the house?”
Ah ma: “no no. I am fine here”
Ah ma: “Old already very useless can’t see much, can’t hear much”

I felt so sad. I looked around the house, seeing all those people sitting there. Some happily chatting away. Most just sitting around. How many of them know how ah ma is feeling? What ah ma is thinking? Or are they afraid of what they might hear?

Me (trying to smile as I speak): “it is alright ah ma, it is the same for everyone when they get old”
Me: “we will be going off soon, ah ma”
Ah ma: “do sit awhile more”

Grandma glances over to my nieces chatting at another corner and smiles her beautiful smile.

Me: “would you like me to call them over?”
Ah ma: Smiles and nods her head

I called them over, but they couldn’t understand what grandma was saying and only smiled shyly. She caresses them. After awhile they ran off again. Grandma smiling as always.

As we left the house, she steps out of the door to wave us goodbye. Smiling her beautiful smile as always.

“See you next year”, I heard someone say. It felt so sad to me.

Grandma just smiles her smile. Waves goodbye…

~Rantings from the deranged mind~

Greetings,

I have alot of things coming up for me. To me I don't find them interesting at all. haha. The only thing I find interesting now is getting to know the people around me. It really is a case of worklife only gets better when you become friends with those you work with. Past few day I spent a few hours just hanging around in the office after work talking to people. Pretty interesting.

Theres this new guy who is going to Stamford to study and I find him to be such an intellectual and intelligent young man. He seems to be very well read and so far is the only guy whom I could talk to about philosophy and quantum physics without looking at me like im crazy! He seems to be as interested in the latest happenings in the scientific world as much as I did. And yet he is young, brimming with potential. I hope he becomes great someday. However, it seems he hasn't quite accepted the fact that there are people around here who do not think in this broadsense and are more brutish. Because just as we were talking, another guy came in and as he was less refined, I changed to topic to talking to him about past experiences on living a life on betting and smoking and knowing bad people and stuff. Immediately I could see the new guy suddenly got nothing to share and uneasy with talking to this more Ah Beng guy. I guess this is the class gap. Or at least for now it seems.

What disturbed yet comforted me that day was that even for someone as brilliant as this young guy, he has not really figured out what he wanted to do with his life. Disturbing because he was so brilliant yet not using his talents to meaningfulness. Comforting because it meant at least here there was still room for him to be outmatched in this competitive world.

Yesterday I was talking to some other guy in the office till late again. This time this guy whom I shall name X, has quite a different story. X is a regular who seem to be at an impasse of his career. He is young, he is wealthy, he is bright (a Merit Diploma holder) and is attached. He has experienced the spoils of life (goes clubbing, picks up girls and etc) and is looking forward to settling down.

He seems to be having trouble with his girlfriend, because she although being only 1 year younger, seems too childish. Wanting only to live by the day financially, fettishing the little things and dwelling on petty things. He told me he is sick of going out with her sometimes, because it is tiring and costly, yet still likes her enough to want to carry on. Only wishing that one day she would grow up. He told me of how he once fell for this girl who seemed perfect, beautiful brilliant and understanding. Yet this girl could only fall in love with a guy who cheats on her, even being willing to forgive him. He just couldn't see why the good girls always go for the bad guys.

He told me how there are 3 stages to the kind of guys girls like. In the 1st stage, the young girls like guys who look shuave, who are cute, irregardless of whether or not he is a bad guy or whether he likes her. In the 2nd stage, the young ladies now having grown older, like guys who are reasonably goodlooking, but willing to love her more than anything. Irregardless of whether he is capable of supporting her or has other troubles, all is fine so long as he loves her. In the 3rd stage, finally as an adult woman, the ladies simply only prefer guys who are rich. Period.

We both laughed at this seemingly extremist idea. But looking back at his love life and mine, its not really too much of an exaggeration I would say.

Most girls would say there arn't any gentlemen around anymore. And guys would say thats because there arn't any gentlewomen around anymore either.

Again as with X, for being however bright he is, hasn't quite figure out what he wanted to do with his life. Pitty. Something needs to be done to our educational system....

N..E.e..D TO M.O.V.E ONNNNn

MOVE!! MOVE ON!!! MOOVVVEEE ONNNN. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

“I also dun knOw wat i want”

Greetings,

Today I had a long conversation with my father during dinner. Once again what was a simple talk with him left behind a deep realization within me.

He met someone recently who happened to be a high ranking officer in the army and after some lengthy talk, dad felt it actually was not such a bad idea after all for someone to sign on. He was convinced that even though signing on meant a lost of working experience in the outside world, it would mean that one can get a prestigious scholarship that almost guarantees a stable job in the government.

While I agree with him that getting a governments scholarship would probably help in landing a government job, I felt uneasy that one would go through all that just to find a secure job. I mean, just for the sake of money?

After trying to convince him that work should be more focused on interests rather than pay, he still insists that it all boils down eventually to the dough. This got me thinking about the path I think I am going to thread. Sure, one day I might land a job in my field, become a researcher… do some meaningful findings. Then what? Is that all? What of the times that I will definitely have to spend doing things I don’t like? Have I become “that which I feared most”??

A long time ago back when I was formulating my purpose and principals in life, part of my central idea was to get out of the deadlock of becoming like the huddled masses in society. Of people who spend their whole lives toiling on without a true purpose… working like zombies their whole lives to earn money, convinced that it is the correct thing to do. Convinced that because it is the norm in society it is the right way to spend a life.

Ending life with only the comfort that they have fulfilled the tasks people have expected of them. A sad sorry life of living till the end, the demands of normalcy. That was my greatest fear. To have lived a life that might as well have not existed because it does not make any difference at all. To live a life with no passion, no conviction to serve and no purpose. Just blind following.

It suddenly came back to me that I seem to be moving towards this path. That eventually I will become a slave to the cause to earn as much money as possible, in the hope that it will become meaningful eventually because ‘people said so’. If so, than signing on might actually be a good path to take. But how can I?! Have I fallen so far as to allow myself to succumb to living a subtle life? To blend into the gray?


Can I really retreat to live the normal life, to earn money and raise a family and pretend that I have done a good job of living a life? Can I really throw away the chance to make a difference? To pretend I never knew what a sacred thing it is to be conscious? To pretend I am not aware of how precious is this gift of actually being part of existence?

NO… never!! Over my dead body. There is only one path. And I will live my life only in the way that is of dedication, meaning, passion, conviction and purpose. I must, for only to salvage my purpose to exist.

I thank my father for making me realize this once again after such a long time.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

Greetings,

Many times in history, humans have been astounded by facts that topple our world view. Things that change our concept of life, our doctrines and beliefs. Often, we naturally violently reject these truths for they threaten our mental security. From the persecutions that follow evolution theory, the fate of Galileo and Aristotle, the denial of the holocaust, to name a few. Even the great Einstein himself admitted to being foolish to have denied the facts when quantum physics presented to him what is now known as the uncertainty theory.

Often, what these facts do is challenge beyond doubt the conveniently comfortable assumptions we have made in our lives that nature can be categorized, and described by man. As such shame us with our arrogant ignorance.

Today elame abducted lun, zk and me to a Christmas church service at expo organized by her church, city harvest. Me? At a church service? Yes boredom has brought me to new heights once again.

The event was very impressive. Very. As expected, the story goes about the meaning of Christmas… the birth of Christ and its related histories. But the way they managed to bring out the story was outstanding! The stage acting was superb and they must have really spent a mammoth effort to get the atmosphere to be just right! A big hand to them! =D

Some things said during the service caught my mind and kept me thinking... In the story, a big hoo-hah was made for the virgin birth of Jesus Christ as so was said in the text of old. In the past this used to seem so much a biological impossibility to me as to be a fantasy to sanctify his birth.

However, recent news that scientists reported two cases where female Komodo dragons have produced offspring without male contact made me think again. Tests revealed their eggs had developed without being fertilised by sperm - a process called parthenogenesis. Previously, it would have been nonsensical to claim that Komodo dragons can reproduce this way. As nonsensical as it would be to claim humans could as well.

“Richard Gibson, an author on the paper and a curator at the Zoological Society of London, said: "Parthenogenesis has been described before in about 70 species of vertebrates, but it has always been regarded to be a very unusual, perhaps abnormal phenomenon." It has been shown in some snakes, fish, a monitor lizard and even a turkey, he said.”

But can such an abominable phenomenon occur in humans? It seems that this might actually be possible, given how nature always stuns us with its revelations. Would the story then, of the virgin Mary, actually be true??

Experiments have been made whereby rabbits (mammals) were induced to reproduce through parthenogenesis. No experiments of human parthenogenesis have been report so far...

Surely such an event occurring in this time and day would be shocking. Ok… so it is possible that due to some absurd biological glitch all animals can reproduce asexually. Fine, another one of our dear assumptions about nature slapped in the face. Surely there must be some things that we can be sure of about our humanity right? Surely a guy is a guy and a girl is girl right? Wrong!!

“In this day in age, most of us understand that gender identity can be pretty complicated from a social, cultural and psychological perspective. But the idea that gender can be complicated from a physical perspective -- that a female athlete can be deemed non-female for the purposes of competition -- seems a bit bizarre.

As it turns out, gender is as much a physical puzzle as it is a social one. There is no one test that can determine with scientific certainty whether someone is male or female. There is only a battery of tests that can evaluate the various aspects of physical gender distinction, and there are various opinions about which of those tests should count the most.

In a recent case of an athlete failing a gender test, in December 2006, 25-year-old Santhi Soundarajan was stripped of her silver medal for the 800-meter race in the Asian Games.”

Indeed as it turns out, even if you were born with XY chromosomes, making you genetically male, it does NOT necessary mean you will be male. If your Y chromosomes are defective, and not expressed, poof! you become a female. Even if the chromosomes were okie but downstream expression of the genes, the production of its subsequent proteins were distrupted, poof! you become a female too.

Our DNA serves as a guide which makes us what we are. What gives us our traits are our genes which are segments of our DNA. These genes need to be deciphered (transcripted), and read (translated) before they eventually become proteins. The product proteins themselves also need to undergo various foldings and alterations before they are useful.

So should any of these steps fail, the genes are not expressed. This is one way a XY person can become female, because the genes were not expressed.

So even if you have breasts, a womb and other feminine features, who knows, you might just be a defective male after all. =p

Speaking of bizarre. For those of you who have watch Animatrix, you would know of how the story of the movie blockbuster “The Matrix” came to be. How the artificial intelligence managed to enslave humans and so on. There was also the movie “AI”, where a robot was made so human, it felt. It can feel.

These fictitious movies seem other worldly, far-fetched, even if somewhat logical. Surely it would not happen in life, now would it? Apparently, some politicians think otherwise… and I would say with good reason.

Robots could one day demand the same citizen's rights as humans, according to a study by the British government. If granted, countries would be obliged to provide social benefits including housing and even "robo-healthcare", the report says.

"We're not in the business of predicting the future, but we do need to explore the broadest range of different possibilities to help ensure government is prepared in the long-term and considers issues across the spectrum in its planning," said Sir David King, the government's chief scientific adviser. – BBC news (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6200005.stm)

Yes, Deep Fritz, a chess-playing computer, has beaten human counterpart world chess champion Vladimir Kramnik in a six-game battle in Bonn, Germany. And a furry robotic seal in place of actual pets has been used for therapy in nursing homes to help people relax and exercise by the Japanese government. Robots and AI have always been improving by leaps and bounds but still they are I would say, far from human.

Still it is without doubt that our brain too, can be considered as one immensely complicated computer. Prone to glitches and viruses and needing a patch once in awhile. Spirituality aside, perhaps one day as our politics above have mentioned, we might just inherit the world to robots…

I recall having read from a book before about a philosopher who was concerned about what is the ultimate purpose a person should seek for in life.

...as my soul heal the shame...

Does it take more strength to hold on? Or does it take more strength to let go?

To hold on, bare hope, remember, keep close to heart, and faith to carry on. Requires one to have the courage to face uncertainty, that failure might abound. To trust that all that was endured was for a worthy cause, to trust that no promise may be broken. To remember the ordeals and lessons that were learnt, to keep all in mind all the time and always caution.

To let go, release, forgive, forget and set free. To Abandon whatever fruits that might have been beared. To set oneself upon uncertainty, to tread alone in foreignness. To have the courage to face whatever that may come as one leaves all behind to start anew. To free oneself from the protections of faith, that all was once well. To brand the banner of independence, vagrancy. To forgive all that was done to hurt, and forget for they know not what they do.

Gunung Angsi: At Gunung Angsi [Part II]

Wide flat fields of palm trees soon gave way to a gently undulating landscape as we ascend to higher ground. In the foggy distance, the horizon slowly sculpts into the towering shapes of mountains that loom majestically over the land.

The bus gears down to a slower pace as I look out the window to see the billboard saying "Welcome to Gunung Angsi". The place was unexpectedly quiet. There were none of the streaming tourists nor rows of parked vehicles. Small buildings stood empty and delapidated as though forsaken since time long ago. There were no shops, no chalets, no restaurants, just seemingly unused structures weathering under the sun.

This was quite unlike Mount Ophir which I visited about two years ago. There was a tourist resort, a restaurant, a guide house and stalls. There were people everywhere. Children, caucasians, asians and so on. It was so different.

As we alighted in the carpark, I took a deep breath of the sweet smell that is the surrounding forests. The morning air was so cool and fresh, like a sponge soaking away all the fatigue I felt during the bus ride.

We were told to visit the toilet and relieve ourselves to prepare for the long day ahead. The only water available was a running hose which was meant to be shared outside the ladies and gents. As simple as the settings were, it was more amusing than annoying that things were such.

The stark difference in amenities only further reminded us that this expedition is an enjoyment in the form of an experience. Just off the road was the river. Slow and gentle. Albeit looking abit too green for dipping.

We set off shortly after, trekking on a rather walking path to reach the so called 'start of the climb'. I was beginning worry if the trip was to be too relaxing. Oh boy i was wrong.

Treading along natures track I was once again. The rest of the team was chatting along. Cracking jokes, being cheerful. I didnt really know anyone well enough for me to jump into a conversation comfortably. As I tread along quietly, I thought to myself. Why am I here?

What is it that I seek that has driven me to this place. This wonderful place which, is wonderful to me in a way i did not seem to have questioned. Why has it been that so many speak of a preference to the smell of nature's honey dew and not the city's smell of burning fuel?

Soon we reached a checkpoint that seem to signify the beginning of the climb. We were all psyched and feeling gamed for the challenges ahead. So off we went!

Midway through, the trek started to rear its dreary face as everyone started to feel lactic acid accumulating.

But of course we pushed on. Pass the lustrous greenary. The verticle rock faces proved to be a challenge for our team, but we eventually managed to squeeze our bums through.

As the journey wore on, you could read from our faces how we were wishing for one thing to come quickly. The summit! As for the me so silly, I brought less water than I should. And thus was going abit crazy over dehydration. =p

Before long, we reached the summit! It took us almost 3-4 hours! It was here that we come to appreciate how the effort was well spent as the view around us seized our attention. Not as breathtaking as Ophir or Balumut, but still definitely worth the effort. =]

As much as we had wanted to stay there, we had to go. Dark clouds loomed ahead! So quickly we descended. However, more fun awaits!

On the way down, we once again passed by the sparkling river. Dr E suggested that we go for a swim! Something I had never even considered before. For certain, had I gone with other people i would have felt very restricted towards my composure.

There seem always to be a facade that cannot be shedsh. But there I was, with this bunch of nice strangers. I did not feel restricted at all. It felt like I was free to mould my personality as I saw fit and to do as I wished. I felt free. So splashingly I went to join in to swim and play in the water!! VERY COLD water!!

And it was here for the very first time in my life that I stood right beneath a waterfall! Letting the cold water splash over my head. Rinsing away all my tiredness and whatever thoughts which plagued my mind. I had never felt this good. This was the climax of the trip.

Soon after, we left the pool to return to the starting point happlily. Feeling accomplished and satisfied. We cleaned ourselves up at the communal hose before finally setting off for a much looked forward dinner and home, Singapore. =]

Gunung Angsi: The Way There [Part I]

I arrived early at kranji MRT station. 1pm. It was a sunday and the crowd was torrential. Full of anxiety was I as I stood awaiting the arrival of the team whom none I have met. Standing by the railings, I surveyed the endless stream of humans pouring from the station. Amongst this stream of strangers, must be the ones whom I would soon be spending the next 2 days and nights with. I waited and waited.

Stephan called me, "where are you, vincent?". "I am here already, sir". And I met stephan
the organiser of our trip. We walked towards a crowd of people whom I at once knew would
be part of my team.

We departed for johor bahru and arrived at the customs around 3pm to face a preposterously
long queue. We were Squashed and sanwiched between sticky perspiring bodies packed in a
poorly ventilated sauna. I was in the queue beside christopher and we both wondered if we
might actually collapse through asphyxiation before we even reach our destination.

Centimeter by centimeter we inched our way towards the custom gates as I gasped for air
arduously, battling with malodor and malicious people trying to cut our queue. As the crowds swell under the scorching mid day heat, we were almost sizzling like tunas packed in a rectangular fish tank, vertiginous and driven to the edge of delirium. In our heat-stroked semiconscious state we gazed despondently at the several air-conditioners installed in the enclosure, gathering dust.

40 minutes crept by before we could finally taste the fresh air once again and proceed to
the awaiting cushioned seats that were cooled and cordially eager to embrace us in the
travel coach.

The bus ride on the way to Negeri Sembilan near Kuala Lumpur, about 300km away from JB
took longer than I thought. On the way there we stopped by a string of outlets providing
refreshments for ones like us on a long journey. To my horror I realised I left my money
pouch back at home.

As such I resigned myself to try and borrow some cash later when I need to eat. Trying to avoid spending, I reframed from buying anything at the rest point. Mr Stephan was extremely kind and generous and treated me to a drink and some food even after much refusal. There I spoke with some of the other members of our team, Sharon, Elaine, Ester among others.

I realised I was in the company of such nice, pleasant people, quite unlike any i've met before. There seem to be this air of hospitality and acceptance about them which is pretty unique. There was sincerity in the conversations and a curiousity I seldom see bestowed upon strangers. I felt very blessed to have come to this trip, albeit alone.

A short while later we were all back on the bus. Zipping our way along wide to narrow roads winding between a vast seemingly endless expanse of palm tree plantations. Seated alone in a corner at the very end of the bus, I gazed with ataraxis at the passing scenery. Rows upon rows of palm trees stretch out into the never ending distance. Obscuring the view as the bus passes by at an angle, only to reveal a seemingly abysmal depth that blends into utter darkness as the bus passes perpendicular to the rows of trees.

After 2 hours of travel we arrived at Desa Inn, Kuala Pilah in Negeri Sembilan. Nestled in the middle a rundown town which host a scattering of shop houses. We made ourselves comfortable in the Inn before moving out to have our much awaited dinner.

Across the street, right in the middle of the roads sprawled hawkers selling all sorts of local delights. Under the dim street lamps and curious eyes peering from windows over our heads we dined. Sitting in the open air, shrouded with the aroma of frying chicken wings under a bright moon gleaming in the night sky, there was something of simplicity about the setting that was strangely reassuring.

I bought some goodies back to last the night and some chocolate bars to encourage me for
the journey come the next day. That night, I slept earlier than usual. Perhaps the hours of journey wore me down. Or perhaps, for once I had nothing to worry about. Or maybe because there was only smallville on TV.



~Beep Beep BEEP~! [6am]


I awoke to find myself incubating under a mass of blankets in a freezer as the airconditioner blasted away all night. I crawled out of bed and slided opened the balcony door to feel the warm air.

Chris was awake by then and washing up. I sat by the balcony listening to the morning sounds of huming machines and singing crickets. Glancing down I could see all the shops still closed and not a car in sight. The streets were empty! Life in the slow lane.

We had breakfast at a nearby coffee shop serving chinese food. The morning sky by now was dancing with swifts darting to and from their nests. Filling the air with the orchestra of chirping melody. Walking along the sheltered shop houses I saw this swift nest bustling with activity. The sound of young swiftlets belying their hidden sanctuary.

Before long, we were once again in the bus. On our way to the base of Gunung Angsi...

Excerpts from Reader's Digest

Qns: Can a man and a women ever just be friends?

Ans: For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requires that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive.

Qns: How do you know when to end a friendship?

Ans: As soon as you get that sneaking suspicion that it never really began.

lol

back to the past

Today I went to help dad deliver some beach umbrellas and stone stands. As we shuttled from industrial estate to industrial estate, my father laments to me about how bad the economy is and how the government isn't really helping.

As I stared out at the changing scenery, his words materialise before me. Indeed, stretch after stretch of warehouses stood vacant and empty. With an occasional surviving unit scattered here and there.

We stopped at the unit of our stone stand supplier, a lone rundown storehouse smack inthe middle of an entirely empty row of storehouses. Dad disappeared into the office as I sat in the van waiting.

There I sat, staring at the foreign workers toiling in the sweltering heat. I looked into their strained faces as they glanced pass mine. Ignoring my presence. I wonder what goes on in their minds as they labour on. A life so different. Are they looking forward to knocking off? Do they have families to return to? What has kept them struggling on..

I guess deep down, we all just want to make a living. With someything to look forward to.

We reached Temasek LifeScience Laboratories sometime later to deliver the goods. My father was quite surprised that I actually know and greeted some of the researchers there. I had my ITP there. One of the guys quite surprised to see me, asked me what am I doing here. I introduced him my dad, and explained that im helping him deliver some stuff.

Me: "Is Derong still working here?" (Derong was my mentor)
Researcher: "oh yes he is! wanna come and visit us?"
Me: "(smiles) perhaps later..."

But of cos.. I know I wont. I know i'll be heading somewhere else after this. Yet.. im still wondering, would I have wished to stay..

Last time I was the one on the other side, don in labcoats and scuttling into dark corridors. Now im on this side, in my 3 quarters and sweaty t-shirt. Life in perspective eh?

On the way back home, we passed by my 1st primary school. Jin Tai Primary.

Dad: "has it changed much?"
Me: "not really, new coat of paint, renovations.."
Dad: "would you still recognise the friends you made from here?
Me: ".. I don't think we'll recognise each other.. people change.."
Dad: "I wonder where are they now.."
Me: "me too.."

I remember their faces..

more crab legs!!

Today must be my craziest day of the year! Utter madness lah!

Okok. This morning went Sentosa with my secondary school friends expecting to get some serious sun scorching. I bought nothing but just a pouch and a towel, wallet and hp. haha. All was well up to the point where we actually were at siloso beach. *rUMble rumBLe* RAIN.

In the mean time, Meilian and Wenbin went off to look for Joanne. At first it got abit dark, then it got rEALLY dark. I got this crazy imagination that the dark clouds were just blowing around in circles above our heads. Dennis got demoralised, claiming that he runs on solar power. hah!

We pounced on a vacant shelter area and sort of made it our territory. I got this crazy idea that we should sit in a circle and start chanting and dancing like jungle people so that we scare off other people who want to invade our hut. hahaha

We sat around chatting abit. Before deciding that we might as well go out and play in the rain. And what we did? ahem.. we started to build sand castles because I notice the sand was wet and conducive, and we 1st built..a.. ahem.ahem. lol.

It was damn crazy.. we were laughing all the way. After awhile it got demolished, by this time zk and his gf was here. We decided to build something more decent. Then, twin towers with planes on both sides. hahaha! madness. All the while in the rain.

2 hours passed and ML and WB are still not back yet. They finally reached after we waited for some time more. Then we played captains ball. Yet another fitful worth of laughter. Then we went to wade around in the sea. Doing all sorts of crazy things like pretending the clay/sand to be shit and throwing it around at each other. WB got pushed into the sea and soon became a common target.

After washing up, (and discovering that ALL the fishes in the pond at one of the toilet areas were DEAD with the bodies all piled up!) we went ahead to eat at marina south. We picked "zheng fa huo hai xian". They really serve live prawns.. haha. Joanne was screaming each time the prawns jumped in the plastic container. I bagged my share of chicken and pork and we started to feast. Halfway through I got really thirsty and went hunting around for the watermelons.

I got searched around the whole place but couldn't find any cut watermelon. Just the whole melons in whole. I went back to the table and told them my crazy idea that I might as well just bag the whole melon to the table, "uncle, watermelon yi li".

I went back and asked the person when will the melons be ready to be served.. he said 2 minutes. So I stood there and waited. hahhaa.. then snatch! Went back excited with my prize, they cleared a plate and got me back to snatch somemore~~mm

Towards the end, the food got really too salty to tolerate. And I told them that maybe the uncle at the drink stall is in charge of the salt.. "add more salt!add more salt! buy more drinks! wahaha". By than I was abit drunk with food and very much crazy. Started playing with my food. I got two of the crabs legs and stuffed them into my mouth, doing a predator impersonation.

Then I got the crazy idea of snapping off the end segment, and placing it into my mouth.. so I looked like dracula~ wahhaahhaa. Everyone was pretty crazy by that point. ZL tried to follow what I was doing and stuff crab legs into his mouth too. lol. At the end, I stuffed all the legs into a "man tou", to make a "man tou crab" with a pincer for a head.*snap pic*

On the way back, ML started becoming REALLY CRAZY. KEEP TRYING TO PINCH MY FACE. UGH. GO AWAY!! NI ZHOU KAI!! hope shes not reading this.. ahaha

You're beautiful..

Just yesterday I had a conversation with Hannah. Feeling blue cos I got a feeling that a friend is drifting away from me. Maybe abit more than that. It seems that slowly, once again I am being forgotten. Everytime someone drifts away, it seems you lose alittle part of yourself. Bit by bit. Hannah said I just have to move on and live with it. It will take awhile for the memory to fade. Thanks for the memories. I will move on. Perhaps at the end of days, we'll all turn to smile at our past in longing, and learn to smile at each other again.

Stigma. I have since quited my job. I guess my leave came as quite a shock to most of them. They ask why go for a job that pays less? I guess i'm more of an idealistic than a realistic person. I can't settle for a job just for the money alone. There must be the interest. I must say, these people sure are an enjoyable bunch =]. Had some funny times with them. Hope you guys continue to have fun there.